He's dead, but so far this is the best photographic evidence we have of it...
For once, my conspiracy theorist friend Alex and I agree on something for a change: Release the death pics of Osama Bin Laden, Mr. President!
Alex, of course, doesn’t think Osama bin Laden died last weekend. He thinks Terrorist Boy died years ago in Afghanistan, or something. I’m not sure what evidence he has of this but he still hasn’t produced any actual evidence for 9/11 being an inside job that hasn’t already been refuted perfectly by a Popular Mechanics article several years back, so I’m guessing my buddy’s evidence is as non-existent as, thus far, the genuine Osama Death Pix.
Sorry, Fox News viewers, but the President is still at large
Jon Stewart made a case for releasing the pictures on his show recently. “We’re back, baby!” he says, but that’s not the reason why I want President Obama (not to be confused with the dead guy, if you’re a Faux News viewer ;) to release them.
(Speaking of Faux News, I regret to inform to those viewers who are still dancing in the streets in celebration that Fox reported the wrong guy as being dead ;)
No, the reason I want the President to release those photos is because, well, I think the world needs to see that Falafel-For-Brains really is kaput. Blotto. History. Pushing up daisies. (Or, more accurately, getting pooped out by sharks.) It’s not going to convince the conspiracy theorists but seriously, man, we’ve got to stop offering media time to every whack job group with a silly opinion. That’s what the Tea Party is for.
Even Al Qaeda says he’s dead, and who are we to argue with Al? Now they’ve got to find a cool new media spokesperson for their movement, and how often do you run across a guy like Osama bin Laden with the looks, brains, and total charisma for being a world-class terrorist? I mean really, all those terrorists look alike to me. What a total pain in the ass. This is totally gonna hose their plans to blow up a train or two this fall.
Plus, eff it, we wanna see those pix. So what if Mr. Fish Food had a hole the size of Glenn Beck’s mouth in his face when he died? What, like that’s any worse than anything you see in a Saw or Hostel movie? Am I really supposed to believe that releasing the photos will, like, radicalize the terrorists and encourage them to bomb us or Amtrak or something? They’re already radicalized! They already hate us! And whatever they were planning before, minus the train-over-the-bridge thing, will go ahead as planned, or not, depending on what intel we get from Osama’s mansion, because, well, that’s why they’re terrorists! Do neo-Nazis in Germany today fret about the fact that their boy has been dead for 66 years?
Not really the Bin Laden Death Pic. Badly Photoshopped if you look real closely. Or even if you only give it a passing glance.
Americans need to see the death photos of the guy who killed 3,000 of our people on September 11th.
Middle Eastern Muslims need to see who killed countless members of their own apart from September 11th. Bin Laden’s star had long since fallen in the Middle East, once folks there recognized he was as poisonous to them as he was to us infidels. (Cool marketing graph of Bin Laden’s declining appeal to Islamic consumers here.)
Normal Muslims who always knew what a loser he was probably want to see his dead ass too, as he was the worst possible advertisement for Islam, for intelligent-minded Muslims anyway, in the history of the world. Kind of like abortion doctor killers for Christianity and extremist right-wing Israeli Zionists for Judaism.
And if Bin Laden’s fanboys have a problem with the photo release, eff ‘em.
“Baby, we’re back!”